Do You Even See Her?

As I walked into the crowded room of women, I scanned the room for an empty seat. A friend looked at me apologetically as her table had filled up before I arrived. I looked for another familiar face, but everyone seemed preoccupied by their own conversations. I’m usually relatively easygoing and will sit with anyone who’s a kind face whether or not I know them well, but in this instance, every seat was taken.

Every seat except the table in the very front of the room.

As I made my way to the front of the room, a few women moved chairs from that empty table to their already full table to make room so they could sit with their people.

Nice. I thought. Let’s just squish fourteen people at a table that sits eight people.

Honestly, it felt like a juvenile move, especially considering we’re all in our 30s and 40s. While these women were always lovely and kind, from the outside, I wondered what one needed to do to break into that friend group.

Do I need to be an affluent, stay-at-home mom to be invited to that club?

As quickly as those thoughts came to my brain, I shook it off. First, what a terrible thought! I don’t need to be friends with the “cool kids” to be determined as worthy. And, I most certainly don’t need to be besties with a group of women who seemingly keep to themselves and only let a select few in, even if these women were always polite and kind.

But polite and kind don’t always equal friendly.

The C Word

Let me first say this. People are allowed to have friend groups.

The problem is when a friend group is closed off to others, and those people don’t even try to say “hello” to a stranger who walks in the door. The problem is when those people don’t go out of their way to be inclusive of others who may not be like them.

I’m not even talking about my own experience. I say this from my observations of people, particularly women. We are far removed from high school. Why are we still dealing with the “c-word,” AKA cliques in our 30s and 40s?

Have we forgotten what high school was like?

Or are we just privileged in that we never had to deal with sitting alone at the table?

Do You Even See Her?

Do you see that other lady who appears rough around the edges with dirt in her nails and her hair disheveled?

What about that young woman who speaks little English and is bewildered trying to translate the teacher’s notes at PTM?

Do you see that new lady at church who looks frazzled from dropping off her child at Sunday School?

What about your friend or acquaintance going through a stressful situation?

We need to see her.

We need to make an effort to be aware of those around us, not only the first time we meet someone. We need to see her day after day, week after week, and month after month.

We may not ever be the best of friends. But she needs always to know that when she walks into a room, she too can have a seat at the table.

Once that table fills, we shouldn’t take chairs from another table to add to our table. We should branch out and add ourselves to those empty tables to invite others in. When we invite others in, the more we love and the better we love.

It shouldn’t be on the other person to find her people.

Let’s find her.

Let’s flip the script, and instead of saying, “You can sit with us,” let’s say, “I’ll sit with you.”