This is a practical guide to help you create meaningful connections with your kiddos, even amongst the flurry of school supplies, packing lunches, homework sessions, and new bedtime routines.
Hellos and Goodbyes
Look them in the eye and tell them you love them when saying goodbye and upon being reunited after a long day. This is a simple way to help children feel seen on a daily basis.
Prep for the Morning
Lay out EVERYTHING the evening before, from clothes to lunches. PMC writer Elizabeth Gilroy includes an evening checklist to set yourself up for a smooth morning. It’s brilliant. If you’ve already read it, read it again before school starts.
Morning Rituals
After the initial wake-up at our house, it’s all systems go. Set the tone for the day with a loving gesture. This could be as simple as waking up 1 minute early to rub their forehead and tell them you love them. It could mean sitting down for a bowl of cereal together or writing them a note to carry with them on the bus ride. At our house, everyone stands on the porch and waves goodbye to whoever leaves first, even the teenager. We do it every day, and now it’s a thing.
Bedtime
A story or chapter is an amazing way to wind down for all ages. I love to braid my daughter’s hair after the shower and make up silly songs while we put on pajamas. The older kids like to have a few moments to chat in bed before falling asleep.
Dinner as a Family
This can be tough, especially as the kids get older. If you can manage to sit down together, ask questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” or “Did anything challenge you today?” This will get you more than an mm hmm because it’s specific. If you can’t eat dinner together, get creative. Pack a “picnic dinner” to soccer practice or enjoy a sweet treat together once everyone gets home. If you have a child in college, schedule a FaceTime dinner.
Exercise Together
Have you always wanted to take up Pickleball? See if your child will sign up for a beginner’s session with you. Do you love to swim? Head to the UWF pool with your kid and challenge each other to a race. Take the dog for a walk, shoot some hoops, or head off on a bike ride to the park. Sweating together is a fantastic way to connect AND stay healthy.
I often utilize walks for hard conversations because it is less threatening to have a discussion when we’re side by side versus staring directly into each other’s eyes.
Mini “Dates” With Your Kids
It’s amazing to hang out as a whole family, but spending one on one time is also important. We try to give each child at least one mini “date” with mom or dad per month. If one of your children loves art, the two of you could head to a painting class. If another is ALWAYS begging to go to the park, pack up some pb and j’s and head to your favorite playground. The important thing is to schedule it. Put it in your planner, like a doctor’s appointment or a work meeting. We’ve noticed amazing results from this simple practice.
“Be a Treasure House of Happy Memories”
You may recognize this phrase from Gretchen Rubin’s book, “The Happiness Project.” Not to be confused with Pinterest-worthy birthday parties or perfectly planned vacations. This means celebrating the “small” things in life to break up the mundane. Last year when the kids woke up on St. Patrick’s Day, the table was decorated with an old green tablecloth we found in the closet, and the cinnamon rolls’ frosting was dyed green as the result of a naughty leprechaun’s visit. The kids STILL talk about it. Maybe the first Saturday in February, you wake up to celebrate “National Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day.” YOU decide. Since life can be challenging, try to make the smallest moments a little more playful.
Clean Together
We have a simple “earn your screen time” policy with chores. Our kids seem more content and responsible than if we were to do the work for them. You can make it more fun by turning on the dance music or having a special movie night together as a reward after completing all chores.
Reframe
Have you ever felt resentful because you’re in the car driving to yet another piano lesson, or you feel like you’re dying because the kids won’t go to bed even after ten stories? I’m not saying you should sacrifice your entire self to care for your children, but if you can reframe, you’ll have a calmer mind.
Say you’re in the car for the 1000th time this week and feeling grumpy. Try to reframe it by thinking of it as a chance to get your know your child better. Make it a tradition to share one song each on every car trip and tell the other why you like it.
Not into the music idea? Turn it off and give your child a chance to talk to you.
Listen.
Be present with your children. On the flip side, try not to beat yourself up if you have a bad day. If you show yourself compassion, they’ll be more likely to show themselves the same.
Wishing you and your family connection and love.
