In 2014, my sisters and I were preparing for our mom’s funeral. She had lost her short battle with pancreatic cancer. At that moment, I was in the angry part of my grief.
I looked at my sister and said, “who is going to help me raise my babies?”
Without hesitation, my sister, Denise, replied, “I am.”
I am the youngest of seven, and I was LATE to the game when I became a mother. Our mom loved her grandchildren with all she had, including my two boys. At the time, I had a three-year-old and an eight-month-old and was the only one of her children that had little ones. I was selfishly devastated that Granny wasn’t going to be here to spoil my babies, teach them good (and bad) things, and watch them grow.
At that moment, I felt like I didn’t have my mom to help me be a mom, and I had no clue how to do it without her.
Although some days it seems just like yesterday, it has been seven years. I even had the guts to add another baby into the mix the same year I lost my mom.
So how am I doing it? How am I getting through without my mom here to help?
My sister not only kept her word, but she has also been my backbone so to speak. She doesn’t miss a birthday, a holiday, Pre-K graduation, etc. If she can be there, she is there. Some days I’m not sure if she has her own house or just lives with us. Sometimes she just comes and crashes on my couch after working three straight days of twelve-hour night shifts just because she hasn’t seen my babies in a while. Other days she comes and folds clothes, washes dishes, or just hangs out with us. Some days I put her out then I call her to come back…and she comes right back.
My other sister lives in another state. Even though she isn’t close enough to help as much as my oldest sister, she fills in just as much. We can depend on her to send our children cards and gifts like my mom did for her grandchildren that lived out of town. Every morning on my way to work I would call my mom and say “Hey Zella, what you doing?” Well, I can’t make those calls anymore but I do call my sister and say “Hey Annie, what you doing?”
Our talks are just like our chats with mom. Now, it certainly gets real when one of us says, “let me add your sister in” and all three of us are on the phone!
As sisters, we have always been close but they have become my go-to people and my best friends since our mom died.
My sisters aren’t my only help and heroes. Our children have the greatest “God-Family” in the world. They spoil them and love on them and were there when I called in the middle of the night to watch our babies so I could go be with my mom. Then there is my Mother-in-law (“Nana” to the kids). There are not enough words to describe her love for and help with our children. So many more play a part in our lives, such as my husband’s sisters and the rest of our amazing family and friends. Some who we don’t talk to or see often, but when we need them they are there.
I still miss my mom. Some days a song comes on the radio, a memory is recalled, or something happens and I still cry. Sometimes the tears are sad tears and sometimes they are happy tears.
Even though my mom is not here, and no one could ever replace her, I am grateful for who and what I do have in my life and the important role they play in helping me raise my kids.
