As a divorce lawyer, I get phone calls and referrals straight to my office from people I don’t know. But, most often, the first time I have contact with someone in the middle of marital discord is through a message something like this:
“Do you have time for a quick call? I just need a little advice.”
Whether this message comes through a DM on Facebook or Instagram, an email, a text, or even a family member or friend, this sort of nonchalant request for a brief call usually is the first in a series of big steps in deciding what to do when a couple has marital problems.
Calling a divorce lawyer for advice about your marriage or a pending dissolution is a tremendously hard step even when she may be a friend. This step probably has followed hours of arguments with a spouse or days of emotionless standoffs. This step may follow abuse or a steady decline in a spouse with a mental health or substance abuse problem. This step is the one that follows the many sleepless nights, heart-wrenching days, and gut-punching pain that sometimes leads to divorce.
That is why I thought this series would be valuable to all the moms in our area who may find themselves in the terrible purgatory that signals the end of a marriage. I am writing it with the intention of helping to demystify the divorce process and at least put you on the track of understanding what you may be facing if you are making the tough decision to divorce, the tough decision to stay in a marriage that may be in trouble, or when the tough decision has been made for you by your spouse.
Without having to read a depressing book or take the first step inside a family law attorney’s office, I hope this series will help you understand what may be on the path ahead. I will likely go down some rabbit holes, get on my soapbox on occasion, lecture a little (hopefully not too much), and interject a little levity and, most of all, hope.
First, let me disclose a bias (which I will try to do anytime I see it bubbling up in my writing); I think everyone needs an attorney when going through a family law issue.
While sometimes there is a little stigma to being a “divorce lawyer,” and other fancy lawyers may think that family law is easy, the more you know, the more loopholes and pitfalls you see.
Family law is a MINEFIELD of traps. You need a lawyer.
I hope that if you ever find yourself in the position of needing a family law attorney, this series you are reading will help you better communicate with him or her about the process. Still, it should only be that basic information provided to you in a way that is like a girlfriend giving you some advice and not as legal advice. Feel free to ask your attorney about anything you read that you have questions about, and for heaven’s sake if your lawyer tells you that my article does not apply to your facts- trust them! Sorry, notice the brief lecture and soapbox.
Now a little about me. I am a native of Pensacola and went to Tate High School. After that, I went on to party for seven years at Florida State University. By the grace of God, I ended up with a couple of degrees, a law degree, a lot of political and legal experience, and my first husband.
My first marriage gave me three beautiful children that came rapid-fire in four years, seven more years living in Tallahassee, and ultimately resulted in a painful but amicable divorce.
To this day, out of the thousands of divorces that I have handled, it is still the most amicable divorce I have seen.
I truly hit the jackpot on a father for my children; one so committed to the kids that after about a year of a long-distance parenting arrangement with me living in Pensacola and him in Tallahassee, he found a way to move closer to the kids and now is a leader here in Pensacola that we are so lucky to have.
Ultimately, my children were the big winners, though, because they got both Mama and Dad in the same town plugged into their lives completely. If you ask our kids if they have ever seen their dad and I argue or be on a significantly different page with parenting, the answer will undoubtedly be no.
I spent many years on the single mom dating life, some of which were frankly a dating disaster or two along the way, but then I met Peyton Blackledge. Peyton and I married in 2015, and my family of four became a large family of seven with five kids all clustered around the same age. Our easy grade school children become middle schoolers and high schoolers, and we got a crash course in step-parenting and being a blended family. When I say crash course, I am not exaggerating. In the years that we have been married, we have experienced so many of the issues you will face in your own lives and the topics that I will be writing about.
I say all this to tell you that Women- I have been there! I will try to give you as much as I possibly can to help steer you away from some of the pitfalls that you may also be likely to face. I’m doing this from the position of a family law attorney who handles hundreds of cases a year, but also as an ex-wife, mom, wife, and step-mom.
That said, here is what you need to know about the first step in a divorce.
The first step is the one you make in the pit of your stomach or the one made by your spouse in the pit of his stomach. The first step is the tough decision to end a marriage. Yes, you can ask the advice of friends, family, therapists, and lawyers, but at the end of the day, it takes two people to make a marriage and only one to break it.
With that in mind, there are no two couples that divorce the same way, have the same facts, or will have the exact same outcomes. So, the facts of YOUR marriage matter the most. When you start traveling down the road of a divorce, the facts are the things that will make the most impact on your case.
As lawyers, we listen to the facts, sift them through our law school education, experience, and knowledge of the lawyers and judges in your divorce, and dispense advice to help you prevail on the issues you find most important to you.
Your story is the most important one in your divorce.
I hope that my story, experience, and expert advice will help you or your children navigate this confusing and painful experience and help you make the most of what is likely to be the most pivotal change in your life.
Autumn Beck Blackledge
Autumn Beck Blackledge has been practicing law for over 20 years and started her own firm in 2014, practicing exclusively in Marital and Family law. She is a Pensacola native and graduate of Tate High School and Florida State University, and FSU College of Law.
