Before I had kids, I thought I could do it all. You know, the best of both worlds. Being a working mom (have my own thing, contribute financially) and stay-at-home (able to devote more of my time to the kids, get to see all the milestones firsthand): a win-win!
As almost everyone found out during the pandemic, this is undoubtedly easier said than done. I had a picture-perfect daydream of a baby sleeping beside me as I quietly worked on the computer.
Plus, I even have the perfect job for it!
I already worked from home, with the majority of my communication managed online. A seemingly peaceful, quiet space with the flexibility to break for nursing, playtime, or some sweet snuggles; what could go wrong?!
Lo and behold, that dream was dashed by the genuine realities of Mom Life. My little one did not want to share my attention, much less sleep, sit, or even eat like all those picturesque babies in the movies and storybooks. Still, I tried to make it all work.
As a person who loves to schedule everything, you can imagine the difficulties I had with the sheer attempt of scheduling around a newborn’s needs, not to mention trying to prove to myself and clients that my work would not be affected.
I quickly learned that working to be the best of the best and striving to keep it all together, you wear yourself thin, and it’s just not sustainable.
Society often separates mothers into two camps: working moms and stay-at-home moms. But then there are those of us trying to do both, and as I attempted to bridge that gap, I found that we all have shared experiences.
So often, we think the opposite of a stay-at-home mom is a working mom and vice-versa, but what if it’s not that simple?
What do we call the messy middle?
The messy middle is where so many of us have found our new norms. We are all having similar struggles. I’ve discovered that what begins to suffer is our relationship with our partner and, with equal importance, ourselves.
I can do it all, but I can’t do it all well at the same time.
The first wake-up call for me? All-too-regular, newly developed migraines were forcing me to slow down and reassess the way I was managing my time. Recognizing a need for change, I started with a few new actions to address these issues and reclaim my personal time:
Wake up early and get something accomplished.
I like to knock some glaring items off the to-do list while the house is quiet, but if I can’t manage diving into a timely, convoluted project, the simple act of getting dressed before the day gets going helps me feel accomplished. As simple as the task may be, that little jolt gives me what I need to take on the day.
Under-promise and over-deliver.
This works with clients and kids. Setting expectations is a big part of my day and helps me accrue time so I don’t feel like I’m always putting out fires (or tears).
Quality time for the parents.
Family dinners, walks around the neighborhood, or game nights are all great but do not take the place of quality time with your spouse. Setting aside the computer at night to chat, watching a 30-minute show together, or having a special late-night dinner after the kids go to bed are such rejuvenating yet simple ways to connect.
When I think about the big picture, I find great relief in knowing that all Moms are in it together. Despite different backgrounds and personal situations, we can take solace in knowing our lives are also very similar. So much to do, and so little time! However, every day, I remind myself to focus on the key relationships in life and find balance amongst all the chaos.
