When the Unexpected Happens

7

Life is crazy. Everything seems to be going well. It may be busy and chaotic. You may feel like you are running nonstop, but overall it is going smoothly. Then bam! Something unexpected hits you.

Maybe it is a separation or divorce, infidelity, a family member’s health diagnosis, or something else that changes your life altogether. No matter what it is, it knocks the wind right out of you. It seems like it will be impossible to get through.

My family had something unexpected happen. Someone in our family was diagnosed with cancer. I knew we would get through it, but I could not imagine how. All I could think about was our life before the diagnosis. I kept looking around at other people living normally and being envious of them.

One day a friend came over to talk with my husband and me. He let us cry and vent about what we were all going through as a family. He sat there, just as quiet as could be, nodding to let us know he was still listening. Once my husband and I were finished, he politely looked at us and said:

“This is your new normal. It’s okay to remember the memories of before and enjoy them, but you are comparing those memories to the present. It’s not healthy to compare the before and after. You will never get past this if you do.” 

My husband and I didn’t realize what we were doing. Admittedly, I was probably doing it more than he was. I was comparing our last Christmas vacation to our current Christmas vacation. I could not get past how the diagnosis changed our family’s life. It changed everything – our day-to-day events, our family time, our vacations – and I could not stop thinking about it.

After our friend left, I kept thinking about what he said. I’ll be honest; it was so hard for me to comprehend. It took me a while to see the past as a collection of beautiful memories and to see the present as an opportunity for more even more beautiful memories. After a while, I stopped comparing the past and the present. It was such a weight lifted off of my shoulders.

I gave myself a new rule. I allowed myself twenty minutes to cry, whine, vent about an issue, and then its, “get up girl, let’s get this done.” Doing that has helped me tremendously. It has changed my entire outlook allowing me to be a better wife, mom, and friend.

If you are going through something unexpected and life-altering, give yourself some time to grieve. After all, you did lose something.

Try to remember not to compare your life now to the one you had before. Enjoy those memories, but remember, you are amazing! You will get through whatever it is, even when it seems impossible. Fill your downtime with loud music (I suggest New Kids on the Block) or a night with friends. Then remember you have complete control over how you handle the future.

You are strong, and you’ve got this! Now go rock this new life and make incredible memories!

7 COMMENTS

  1. Love this site and can’t wait to see more biographies…Kara is amazing with all she has to shuffle…❤️❤️❤️🙏🙏🙏

  2. You inspire me. I am so very very proud of you. Every Day is an opportunity to make new memories. Thanks for all the smiles. ♥

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