Have you ever thought of having your children rate your parenting skills? Close your shocked, open mouth and hear me out, please.
I’m not suggesting you give them a comment card to complete and say “My pleasure” like a Chick-Fil-A employee would. But if you do, I won’t judge.
Parent Review
Think of it as being in a job performance review. Most supervisors conduct an annual review with their employees so they can discuss strengths, weaknesses, areas of improvement, and goals.
Why couldn’t parents and children do this? I want to know how I’m doing and if I’m meeting my kids’ physical, mental, and emotional needs.
On a scale of 1 to 10
One mom recently shared how her kids rated her mothering abilities. Angie M., a mom of three kids (ages 15, 12, and 4), wanted to strengthen her relationships with her two oldest children. She asked them to rate her on a scale of 1 to 10 and provide honest feedback to her rated number. Her kids obliged.
Angie said this about the experience, “I felt it opened up a deeper conversation and understanding between us. I think it’s good for kids to see their parents as humans, trying to figure out our way in this world, just like they are.”
Survey Says
I liked Angie’s idea and decided I wanted to gain more feedback from my own children (ages 12 and 8). I did not ask them to rate me on a number scale. Instead, I gave them a sheet of paper with three questions:
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- I wish my mom spent more time____________.
- My mom could be better if ________________.
- I wish our family could ____________________.
I gave it to each of my daughters while they ate breakfast. They filled out my survey while eating sugary cereals and handed it to me when completed.
One response I received from my eight-year-old said she wants me to spend more time “going outside” with her. I’m now doing that – setting aside a half-hour or longer to explore our backyard or neighborhood.
My 12-year-old said she wished our family could eat at her favorite restaurant. We haven’t visited this special place since the pandemic began. I spent extra minutes one Saturday morning making her that giant chocolate-chip pancake she loves from that eatery. I even printed out a crossword puzzle for her to enjoy that our favorite waitress used to give her.
These things were rather simple. I can easily incorporate them into our routine. My children seemed happy that I asked for their feedback.
Age Appropriate
You do need to consider the age of your children if you ask them to rate your parenting abilities. Children under the age of five may not be able to fully comprehend what you are asking. They may not be able to articulate themselves either. Ask them anyway for funny, ridiculous responses.
Hannah Y., mom to two children (ages 4 and 1) asked her four-year-old to give her feedback. Her daughter said, “I wish my mom spent more time feeding giraffes, playing with me, and letting me borrow an airplane so we can go see snow.”
I laughed so hard when Hannah shared that with me. I encouraged her to write that down so she can laugh about that response for years to come.
Speak Up
I reflected on times when my kids made comments about not feeling heard. I remember a period when my oldest daughter started every sentence with me saying, “I know you’re going to say ‘No’…”
After she repeated that phrase three times, we had a heartfelt discussion. I realized I needed to change my tone and body language. She viewed me as closed off before even asking me a question.
I didn’t want to be that mom. Well, sometimes I may have to be that mom but not all the time, and not before she asks me a question.
I told her, “Hey, it’s OK to challenge me respectfully if you feel strongly about a topic or believe I’m wrong.” If she can’t challenge me, her mom, then how will she challenge a boss, a friend, a bully, or a stranger who may not treat her kindly? How will she stand up for herself at all if I don’t give her a chance to speak?
Gain Helpful Feedback
Consider asking your kids to rate your parenting skills. Then rate them as kids too. You will learn from each other. You may realize you can do simple tasks or say words to make the other person feel more loved and appreciated.
But moms, don’t feel like you have to do this rating system with your spouse or significant other. Let’s not take this too far!
