Finding Your Village

It’s no secret that motherhood can suddenly shift your priorities and responsibilities and make you look at life in a whole new light. If you think you can get through motherhood alone and without a village, you’re wrong.

Do you have a village?

Do you have people dedicated to understanding where you are in this season of life? Someone who is a phone call or dreaded casserole away and can relate to the unexplained tantrum, latest teenage drama, an argument with your husband, or a bad day at work. If you don’t, today is the day to start building that village.

What makes a good villager?

A good villager will ignore your messy house with unwashed dishes and piles of unfolded laundry. They give you editing rights before tagging you on social media, talk you through a crisis, and steal you away for a much-needed (and well-deserved) girls’ night out. They are the unexpected knock on the door, random phone call or text, and the ones who will pray, laugh and cry with you. She will be your ride or die. Villagers will celebrate your successes, hold you accountable, encourage you to do better, and show up for life’s tough moments. She knows when to walk behind you for support or beside you for strength. All with zero judgment. Find these people because they are your tribe! This is your village!

Adjusting your village is necessary!

Our villages will look different and should be diverse because they are always evolving. We mature, experience life events, face unexpected challenges, and make new connections. As with any team, the village is only as good as its weakest link. So, it is important to spend time reflecting on and evaluating your village to see who adds value, shows up for you when you need it the most, and whose commitment to you is strong. Be prepared to let go of villagers who weigh you down, allow constant negativity, and disappear when times get tough. Over time, we naturally outgrow friendships as we evolve, both as women and mothers.

Keep building your village…

They will be the ones who carry you through the unchartered waters and, sometimes, stormy seas of life and motherhood. There is no population minimum or maximum; whether your village is small or large, it’s up to you! Villagers show up for you again and again because you are part of their village, too.

You’ll probably get it wrong before you get it right. And that’s OK! However, once you do, it will be absolutely clear, and you’ll wonder how you ever managed the endless trials and tribulations of motherhood without them. At the end of the day, you will need your village just as much as they need you! In the world of social media and other virtual connections, villagers don’t have to live in your town or neighborhood. The distance that separates us doesn’t make our connection any less valuable or strong.

Life can take us in many different directions. We shouldn’t limit our tribe to those who live solely within our community. Unless you’re a hugger, like me. I have yet to master the virtual hug! Invest in your village, be selective in your choice of villagers, and hold them close.

Be open!

I’ve often wondered why there isn’t a Mom Friend app, similar to a dating app, for moms to connect with one another. For instance, my ad may read: “Forty-something mom of two, who enjoys eating foods from a menu not dictated by my children, quiet moments alone in the bathroom, uninterrupted conversation, and a solid night’s sleep”. I mean, there have to be others out there who would swipe right on that profile?! I know you’re out there!

This village? It takes time and courage to build. Don’t rush it. Allow it to develop organically. Prepare to be vulnerable and open (not an easy task for us introverts) because this is where you find the ones who will help you navigate the crazy, unpredictable, joyous times that life has to offer.  Motherhood is far from simple and rarely easy.

Don’t take the journey alone. Start building!