Ever find yourself dealing with a difficult child in public? The “out of nowhere” tantrum, screaming, crying, stomping their feet, and all for the world to see and admire you as the parent who “can’t handle their child.”
Let’s take a different look at this, shall we?
I applaud the parent that doesn’t give in to their child’s tantrum. A part of me wants to give them the Hunger Games unity symbol from the background, just so they know – “hey, I’m on your side, keep up the good work.”
Because let’s be honest, most of the time, a child throws a tantrum because we, as parents, are not giving them what they want. We are holding firm, setting a standard, and most of all, being consistent.
How often do we preach to parents, especially new parents, that they need to be consistent with their children? If you tell your child they can’t get a toy every time you go to Target; then you need to not give in to the crying when you don’t allow them to get a toy.
Otherwise, they’ve learned crying = toy at Target when mommy initially says no.
So then, why do we judge that parent with a screaming child?
Another popular parenting technique is ignoring negative behaviors. Like when my son decides to yell, in public, “I hate you!” or, more likely, towards his brother, “Shut up! I hate you!” Yes, my child knows not to say these things; we’ve talked about it endlessly. But in his anger, he starts yelling in public.
Is this the place to lecture my son? NO! That is only going to make things worse.
I ignore this behavior, apply the pressure of the “mom look,” and we quickly exit stage left where I can have a private conversation with him about his behavior.
So, why do people look at me like I’m raising Satan?
Also, this goes both ways. When you see my child acting out, yet I am still buying him the toy, allowing him to play a game, or getting him something special, it’s because he earned it despite his current behavior.
As parents, we are told to set up a reward chart and let our children earn things. But what happens when he’s earned a new toy at Target? Taking that away only reinforces that his positive behavior really didn’t earn him anything (not what I want my son to pick up on!).
So, why judge that parent for appeasing their child in public?
Please stop judging us as parents.
Please try not to show your annoyance with our screaming children or pass us frustrated looks. Trust me; no one is more over my kids crying than me! Please remember that we are trying to do what we think is best for our children when we are given oodles of information to track and implement.
You never know when you will find yourself in a situation doing something you swore to yourself you’d never do: Judge someone for something that you end up doing.
Remember that we are working hard to raise functional human beings that will one day rule the world. So think about how you want them to do that, and please stop judging us.
