As I look ahead to the holiday season and the craziness that is COVID, I try to reflect on calmer years past. However, I’m quickly reminded that not all previous holiday seasons have been filled with rainbows and butterflies. Not all of them were filled with pumpkin spice cheer and perfectly coordinated flannel family outfits toasting next to an open fire.
2019 was a tough year— we have quickly forgotten (with good reason) all the cheers we made welcoming a new decade, the “Roaring 2020s.” For my family, we tried to look at 2019 as a growing year. My husband, Jake, was navigating a career change that caused him to travel frequently, and then we had the addition of our son, and second child, that spring.
Our 2019 holiday season began with trying to squish all the family fun and holiday experiences into one tiny, busy month of October. Jake was leaving for several months for his new job, and I was going to be alone. ALONE, with my seven-month-old and two-year-old for our first holiday season as a family of four.
There were many nights, after making it through the trauma of bathtime, when I would plead with my two-year-old to wind down so that I could put her brother to sleep. In those moments, I often thought to myself, “This is not what I signed up for.”
Long, full days of just me with two babies, essentially directionless, and the impending holiday pressures mounting. That miserable feeling of having so much to do right at your fingertips but unable to get anything done.
I had previously bought into the notion that other people were more prepared, better equipped, or even welcomed their solo parenting lifestyle. However, I made a discovery as I sat amongst the mess and debris that is motherhood. Even if your circumstances are the result of a choice you’ve had to make, it’s still not necessarily something you initially “signed up for” or anything you feel ready to take on.
I still don’t know what this holiday season has in store for my family, but 2020 didn’t happen to me; it’s happened to all of us.
If there is anything I can glean from my experiences of 2019, its that we can get through it and even, dare I say, make some lasting memories. I’ll never forget the good friends that endured public meltdowns with my babies, the sleep training I mastered all by myself, or the final move to the big girl bed.
No one can replace a partner who is in the thick of it with you, but it’s great to have family and friends to fill in some of the gaps. One challenging situation can open the door to so many opportunities that never would have arisen. I welcomed and witnessed family members without any child-rearing experience slide into a new role of disciplinarian. I learned I could breastfeed while scooping up a two-year-old (miraculous mom strength). And most importantly, I discovered that FaceTime is better than no time at all.
Of course, life would be easier if we could foresee every detail. But plans change and life loves to throw us a curveball. Motherhood has most certainly taught me that. However, a part of me can eventually be thankful for the strange plot twists and unforeseen challenges.
