When You’re Crying in the Carline

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Woman is upset and has hands on face inside car

“Grab a tissue and wipe your face,” I said to my youngest daughter while sitting in the morning car line. She was crying.

The drama began a few minutes earlier when I styled her hair. She wanted her usual pigtails. Tiny hairs came out of place, or bumps would form after I brushed it back. After my fourth try, I was frustrated, and my daughter was too. She wanted it perfect.

“You will need to start doing your hair soon. You’re in fourth grade and should be able to do it on your own by fifth grade,” I said in annoyance.

My fourth try failed, and I threw the ponytail holder on the bathroom counter and flung the brush with it too. My daughter first began to cry then.

Was I mad at my daughter’s crazy hair? No, of course not.

I had held it together all week, but by Thursday morning, I was done. Mondays and Tuesdays, I’m motivated. I anticipated craziness, but the stress had piled up with each passing day of that particular week, and I could no longer keep it in.

I apologized to my daughter, but she was upset. My apology and “I love you” were not working. She huffed, puffed, and gave me a quick half-hug before exiting the van. I knew she’d be fine within a few minutes of entering her class.

Then I had to cry. After that, I caused my oldest daughter to cry in her carline when I explained why I was upset.

By the end of the morning’s school drop-off, we all had cried in the carline. Yep, it was one of those days and weeks.

I pulled myself together for work and meetings. But tears still trickled in throughout my day.

What is going on with me?

I seem unable to clear my mind. I worry about everything. I can’t unwind or fully relax except when I’m sleeping.

Friday and Saturday, I had a busy schedule and went about my duties. Then Sunday came, and it was a quiet morning. My husband and I were enjoying our time together. He was showering me with affection, and I began to sob. I unleashed all these feelings (Bless his heart!) without warning.

After my husband asked me what I was thinking and feeling, I finally uttered a few words between uncontrollable tears.

“I want to be here in the present moment, but my mind won’t shut off. I have so many things running through it. I don’t know how to quiet it lately, and I don’t know how to have fun and relax anymore,” I admitted.

I thought of the times I helped coach friends and loved ones, but I have not followed my own advice. I finally needed to ask for help, and I needed to stop putting so much pressure on myself.

Insert catchy Encanto song, Surface Pressure:

Pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa
Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’till you just go pop, whoa

I feel you, Luisa, I do.

Here’s the thing. I take on too much. I try to handle all the things. And I just can’t. And that’s OK. I need to remember that.

I had long talks with each person in my family. I told each of them that I needed their help more. I also reminded them how we all differ in how we view love and show appreciation, and we each need to show respect through each other’s love language.

I don’t have all the answers, but here’s what I’ve done so far that is helping lighten my load:

  • I added an hour-long walk to my schedule three days per week to help me get outside and be in nature more, offering a mental health break I need.
  • I am more direct with my family when I want and need them to pitch in more – “Feed the dogs. Take out the trash. Help me with dinner. Empty the dishwasher.” I don’t keep doing it myself until I reach the point of frustration and resentment.
  • I look at self-care ideas a few times per week and implement suggestions.
  • I squeeze in more reading time.
  • I am slowing down in all things I do – my showers, morning routine, snuggles at bedtime, and conversations with loved ones.
  • I listen to music as much as possible because it uplifts me.
  • I am more honest about my struggles.
  • I state reasons I’m grateful each night before bed.

Now, we all could be crying in the carline again someday, and if that happens, we’ll get through it. The minivan can be a pity party as well as a party wagon.

Moms, if you (and your kids) feel like crying, do it. You will feel better, eventually, I promise.

Reach out to your support system for help. You’re not alone.

1 COMMENT

  1. Suggestion – If you haven’t found this song already – search For King and Country’s song Joy! I have used it as the alarm on my phone because it has a great message and an uplifting melody!

    Next suggestion – Put a few postits on your mirror (maybe do this for the rest of the family, too, to get this started) – write affirmations. Start with — My friends think I am amazing! (It is true!) Follow with – We are doing a great job of raising well rounded, beautiful, talented, bright girls who will be amazing women! (Also true!) Try – My writing makes people feel good!!!!!!!!! Add some happy faces or cut out some pictures that make you smile!

    Be sure to read them while you brush your teeth or while you wash your face – add to them and allow yourself more time to read them all.

    You could also borrow the lines in The Help – something like – You is kind! You is beautiful!! You is a good person!!!

    My guess is, your family members will add a few, too! Maybe you could pick up some fun colorful postits and leave them in a basket with a couple permanent markers (so shower steam does make the letters run). If you, or someone needs a bigger message, pick up the markers people use for car windows (we used to do that on birthdays) – that will last longer than you may expect!

    When all else fails – save The Notebook (or any Nicolas Sparks movie) in your DVR for when you need a cover for a good cry! (I have yet to watch the Titanic because I know it will mess me up – but it could work, too!)

    Last – I am sending you mental hugs!!!! Let’s meet for coffee or lunch – I will have a lot of flexibility after the school year ends!

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