Thank You for Being My Friend

Two sets women's hands holding coffee cups with cappucino. A cookie sits to the side.In the words of Andrew Gold, “Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, and you’re a pal and confidant.”

These lyrics begin the theme song to “The Golden Girls,” a television sitcom from 1985 to 1992. The show featured four female characters sharing a home and chronicled the ins and outs of aging and friendship.

I remember watching the show and thinking I would “never be that old.”

I just googled the characters’ ages. Ugh, I am now “that old”; the characters were 55, 53, 47, and 79 (the mother of one of the younger women.) I share not just age with these characters but, more importantly, devoted friends.

This column serves as sort of love letter meets thank you note to my friends.

Dear Friends,

While the days are the long, the years are short. They are short and often complicated. I can’t imagine weathering them without you by my side. Some of you literally by my side, while others accompany me from afar. Each of you loving me in your own way.

I talk to some of you every day (literally, every day). Just like brushing my teeth and saying my prayers, I speak with you. Sometimes, we talk about nothing. On other days, we solve the world’s problems. Still others, we bear our souls. We laugh, we cry, we sit in silence.

two women hiking a trail in the woods.Some of you encourage me to exercise. By “encourage,” I mean going on daily (or almost daily) walks with me. You hike the many trails of the National Parks with me in any kind of weather. These walks provide more than an opportunity for exercise and vitamin D exposure. We keep each other accountable on this path to aging gracefully, lol, and maintaining our health. Walking together provides us a chance to exchange ideas, problem-solve, and unload the  “baggage” we need to lay down.

Support is support, whether it comes from next door or afar.

I see some of you in person only a few times a year at social events. When I see you, I’m thankful for you and internally question why I don’t make a greater effort to spend more time with you throughout the year. Life, right? Just know when I say that I love you and value your friendship, I mean it.

Some of you I never actually see in person. We either met years ago and no longer live in the same place, or we never met. Yet, the power of social media and technology allows us to stay connected. We share common interests, like special needs parenting, attended school together, or shared common friends. It takes a little extra effort, but it’s worth it.

“One of the best things about friendship is that age doesn’t matter.” –unknown author

And older black woman sitting on a couch talking to a younger asian woman. They are both holding coffee cups.Some of you are my age, some of you are not. I find great value in my intergenerational friendships. I learn valuable lessons from the experiences of my older friends about marriage, parenting, work, and volunteerism. You ladies shower me with affection and advice, and I’m happy to receive it. On the other hand, my younger friends, you know who you are, share your sweet babies with me in church, listen to my advice on middle school children or the great college road trip with rapt attention, and remind me of my “youth.”

{If you want to read a moving piece about cross-generational friendships, I recommend this one by my friend, Laura Boyles}

To those who walked away from my friendship, I understand. I know we cannot be friends with everyone all the time. Self-care is important. Life circumstances change. Just know that I am grateful for you, too! Each of you positively impacted my life while you were in it. I wish you the circle of support that helps you become the best version of yourself.

“There are rare people who show up at the right time, help you through the hard times, and stay into your best times. Those are the keepers.” Nauusicaa Twila

I discovered this quote while researching this article. The “keepers.” I love the use of that word to describe the friends that remain in the hard.

To my “keepers,” in my darkest hours, you emerge. One likes to think they know who their real friends are, but difficult circumstances fully reveal them. Occasionally, people surprise you. Sometimes negatively, but mainly for the good. Some of you were friends I didn’t know I had, but you showed up and stayed. You helped with my special needs child, stepped in when my spouse had a heart attack thousands of miles from home, and listened to me sob when my adult children moved away to college and real life.

These “keepers” bring out the best in me, applaud me when I succeed, or lift me off the ground when I fall, literally make me laugh so hard I pee my pants.

I am grateful for you all, the family I choose, and who choose me right back.

Love, Rocky

Rocky Parra
Wife to Brett, mom to BethAnne, Peyton, Walker and Matthew, retired CPA, career volunteer, avid sports fan, and adorer of old Catholic Churches. Rocky passionately advocates for her son, Matthew, and autism acceptance. In 2015, she began writing about her family’s experience with autism on Facebook. In 2020, she published her first book, "Embracing Mrs. Mommy – Learning from, Living with and Loving Someone with Autism." Always in the back of my mind is Luke 12:48, “to whom much is given, much is expected… ” You can find her on Instagram as @mrs__mommy.

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