Our phones are always with us. The button to bring the Home Screen to life is an arm’s length away. The buzz or ding is within earshot. The option to escape into a curated news feed is on your mind. And if the phone isn’t in your pocket, chances are your Apple watch is on your wrist ready to display the next notification.
We are inundated with notifications whether it be a text message, email, a news update, or my biggest time suck…social media.
Houston, We Have a Problem
I’ll admit, I was addicted to my phone. I was addicted to accessing my camera and scrolling social media news feeds. I wanted my phone with me at all times so I could take *another* picture of the kids or for me to escape into the scroll of Instagram.
In spring 2020, I started to notice how often I escaped into social media. Shortly after this realization, I ordered the book “How to Break Up With Your Phone” by Catherine Price. I must confess, it collected dust on my bookshelf and I didn’t read it in its entirety for a year and a half.
Finally, after too many instances of my phone taking my attention, I decided that enough is enough. I was letting my phone control me and I was ready to take back the terms.
The Design
Many of the feel-good chemicals and reward loops that drive addictions are also released and activated when we check our phones. According to Price, 2018, not only are phone and app companies aware of their product’s neurological effects, but they pack their products with features that will trigger us to spend as much time and attention as possible on our devices.
When I read that line in the book, it was alarming. But it also gave me some relief knowing that I am not the only one. I didn’t just fall into this phone trap by coincidence. The technology is easy and fun to use by design, so it’s no wonder so many of us could stand to re-evaluate our phone usage.
It’s Time to Take Action
I used the aforementioned book to guide me through the phone “break-up” process in order to begin a new relationship with my phone.
The first step was to wake up and learn how phone technology and apps are designed. They are made to keep us coming back for more. This step was crucial for me as it helped me see how vulnerable we are because of the addictive nature of these devices.
The second step was to take action and make changes to my daily phone usage. During this time, I became aware of when I reached for my phone throughout the day. There were many times throughout the day that triggered me to click on the app: first thing in the morning, whenever I was waiting (for a child, at a red light, in line at the store, etc) before I went to bed, and the list goes on. There were SO many instances in which I was reaching for my phone without even thinking twice.
Through the break-up, I realized how scrolling through social media made me feel. I’d open Instagram with a sense of anticipation, and then be disappointed when it didn’t provide the satisfaction that I sought. I opened Facebook hoping it would soothe myself, but I often crossed the line from feeling soothed to going numb.
Taking Back the Terms
After ten days of not having social media apps on my phone, it was abundantly clear to me how necessary this break-up was. I continued on and completed the steps in the book. I’ve been able to create a much healthier relationship with my phone and social media apps. I’m not tethered to my phone or anxious about missing a message or update. I do not have FOMO or as much discontent. I’m no longer comparing myself to highlight reels every 15 minutes of the day.
I have been able to instill boundaries so I no longer am mindlessly scrolling and wasting away my precious time. Obviously, I still use social media, heck that’s how I am able to share my story with you. However, I am much more intentional about how and when I use social media. It can be a fantastic tool and way to connect, but having self-control and moderation is key.
Can You Relate?
I know that I’m not alone. I believe moms are especially vulnerable when it comes to being tied to our phones. If you can relate to any of my story, I highly recommend reading “How to Break Up with Your Phone.” This book can help you take steps to limit your mental burdens, be more present with your family, and find more time in your day.
