One of the most common things I hear from parents (especially middle school parents) is that getting their students to prepare for tests, manage their schedules, keep up with school work, or even just keep their backpacks clean is a struggle. It leads to butting heads, arguments, and a throwback to the toddler years.
Let’s take a quick look at why this might be happening, and then what I hope will be some good strategies to help combat it and bring a little peace back to your home.
“Why is this piece of paper in your backpack wet?!”
If you’re running into this with middle school or even upper elementary school students, the biggest culprit may be the dreaded “P” word.
Puberty.
Puberty looks a little different for everyone, but we see some common threads: desire for independence, irritability, high emotions, short fuses, etc.
It may actually be “too much.” Whether it’s a new school, grade, class, change at home, change in their family, or extracurricular activities, there just might be too much “new stuff” for them to keep up with all of it.
Or maybe it’s not that it’s too much “new,” but just too much. You’ve heard people say they have “a lot on their plate,” but it’s also important to remember that people have plates of different sizes and keep different things on their plates.
I often hear parents say they believe their child has too much to do. So, if your student is struggling to keep up with it all, it may actually be true. It’s too much to keep up with.
The last thought here is that they haven’t been taught how to manage their life. In elementary school, they (usually) have one teacher who manages all of their subjects, and they’re mostly in one room. At home, it’s usually around middle school that parents start to pull back from managing their child’s life for them.
Teaching students how to organize their tasks, their school things, and how to ask for help aren’t often taught in the classroom, but they’re suddenly expected to do exponentially more of this by the 6th grade.
Be the Lifesaver!
Teach your student how to study.
Here, we’re talking about identifying reliable resources, comparing information from multiple sources, going to the library, templates for taking notes (my personal favorite is Cornell), and even preparing your study environment. At home, this may be helping them with a history assignment, reading the chapter out loud to them, modeling, taking notes, or finding answers.
“I do, You do, We do.”
This is a teaching strategy used across all ages. At home, this might look like choosing a day of the week to clean out their backpack. Then, each week for 2-4 weeks, you do it for them while they watch to make sure you don’t throw away anything important. Then, as time goes on, you do it together; tell them it’s backpack day, and start pulling out any loose papers, giving them a chance to take the lead.
After 3-4 months of this, it’s hopefully become a habit. One that you may still need to queue them to do, but they’re able to do it.
Get outside help.
Sometimes you’re at the end of your fuse, every day is a fight, and you know that the study help your child needs CANNOT be mom or dad. What this might look like is having a family friend come over to assist with homework or hiring a tutor.
Parents are always surprised to learn that their students are far more capable than they let on at home. For mom, they seemingly don’t know how to find answers in the textbook or what they have due tomorrow. But someone from outside the home can ask the same things and get little to no pushback.
Time Management
My last and final piece of advice for teaching your children time management, life management, and school management: model it.
If it’s Sunday night and you’re thinking about the week ahead and what work or appointments you have, let your student see that and think some of those thoughts out loud. If you want to make chocolate chip cookies and go to Google for a recipe, verbally point out to your student that you’re looking at different sites to see which one sounds the best.