Ancient or Patient?

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I had always imagined I would be a mother. I used to play “mommy” when I was younger, and it was my absolute favorite game to play.

When my husband and I first started talking about children, I was 26 years old. We didn’t know how many we wanted; we just knew we wanted children of our own to love. We ended up having our first child in 2009 and after adding our second child in 2011. Both of them were boys, which we absolutely love. Our oldest child was diagnosed with cancer when he was two years old, which meant we were super busy with him. We were also trying to make sure both of our sons felt loved and not ignored.

Even after our son was diagnosed, my husband started pressing me to have another child. In 2017, he was finally able to convince me. By that time, I was considered to be “advanced maternal age.” Oh, I used to get so mad when the doctors and nurses would say that!

As soon as he was born, my husband walked him around to me and I looked straight at that baby, and said: “I think I want another one.”

The doctor hadn’t even finished with my C-section!

Being pregnant in my twenties versus my thirties was rough. I had no clue it would be that different. And then I ended up having a fourth child, another boy.

I am a total boy mom and I love every bit of it.

I now call my boys the “first litter” and the “second litter,” or sometimes the “Bigs” and the “Littles.” I was in my twenties when I had my big boys and in my thirties when I had my littles. I am shocked at how different everything is.

I feel like I had so much energy when my bigs were small. With my littles, I tire easily.

I feel every bit of that “advanced maternal age” now. I get it. I am exhausted all day long.

I would run around and do so much with my bigs when they were tiny, and now my littles run me ragged. Don’t get me wrong, I love every bit of it, but man, it’s tough! I am 38 years old, and I sometimes feel every bit of 50. Usually, it’s the smallest things like getting on the floor to play with them or having to wipe a bootie that remind me how much older I am now.

I feel ancient with my littles, but I also feel like I have more patience with them, and am able to enjoy them so much more. With my bigs, I got so stuck in the hustle and bustle of everything. My littles get to do things I would never have let my bigs do. I let my littles jump off their beds. I let them wrestle with their big brothers. I let them eat things off the floor. The “5-second rule” has become more like the “5-hour rule.”

It doesn’t mean I love them more, but I am definitely more relaxed. I always heard that you get more laid back with every child you add. Maybe that’s it? Or perhaps it’s that I’m just older, and I wish I would have enjoyed my bigs being a little more. I know I enjoyed them, but I wish I had taken more time.

To all you mommas out there, whether you are in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, or whatever your age is, please enjoy every moment of it.

I know it’s easy to get busy in the hustle of everyday life. Try to take a few extra minutes to enjoy your babies, big or little.

I get to be a real “mommy” for the rest of my days now, and I’m going to enjoy every last one of them. 

I may be ancient, but I’m definitely more patient!

Kara pictured with her 4 sons

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